It's somewhat disheartening to hear about another person getting pregnant. Although I know now is not a good time, it still sorta sucks. I was upset when Vanessa called and said she was pregnant with Evan over a year ago. I remember exactly where I was. I always wanted to have the first grandchild. But she beat me. Nat and I have never really prevented and it's been over 5 years. We weren't actively trying taking nats mentality of if it happens it happens. Not so simple for me which likes to have everything planned. I try not to think about it. But every month it's on my mind. I go a little crazy when there is no way of finding out cause u haven't missed period but maybe had sex at optimal time. The sex is a little hit and miss at best. That's another topic all together. I am not even sure I want to have kids. It's so scary and unchartered but I think if I am going to now is the time before I get too old. So my heart broke a bit when I found out Vanessa was pregnant. Going to have the first bundle of joy that was highly anticipated. Now I am disheartened again finding out she is pregnant again. It is so out of my control. Although I don't think I am ready and the timing is not right. I would like to know it's at least a possibility and that it will happen one day. Maybe it's the not knowing that bothers me more than the actual fruition. I am happy for them. But still...when will, or will it even, be my time?
chrissi alice